Private Messaging new Facebook Friends – Marketing By Human Design Type

by | Jun 22, 2022

I recently saw an interesting discussion on Facebook. The author claimed that if you don’t immediately send a DM to those who accepted your friend requests on Facebook, you are missing out. 

While this statement may have some ground from the traditional prospecting point of view, in reality, this is not always the case. To me personally, this is a very intriguing topic. 

I have been marketing myself as a visibility coach using Facebook for over five years. In that time, I have learned, tried, tested, and failed to succeed with more outreach strategies that I was sometimes comfortable admitting. 

I even spent a great deal of money on programs that focused on the art of prospecting and social selling without any result in my business. What I saw so perfectly working for my coaches did absolutely nothing good for me. In fact, after one of those programs, I had a breakdown and completely disconnected from the whole WHY I am in business. I doubted my ability to make it work and felt highly inadequate and ashamed to admit that I just COULDNT DO IT. 

I think of all marketing-related dilemmas, and this one was my biggest. Why couldn’t I do what others did so well? Even though when I was on the receiving end of their prospecting, it felt good to me? Yet I was feeling so off, and my prospecting chats on Messenger not only did not add to my bottom line, they seemed to be breaking up some of the best relationships I have built with my audience members over time…

I want to add a disclaimer here that this article is not about me saying that traditional outreach prospecting methods do not work, but they did not work for me. They were actually harmful to my business.

After another disaster of an experience and feeling completely disillusioned with my performance as a business owner, I came across Human Design, and there I discovered the ANSWER. 

I know this sounds like I am about to preach, but no, I am way past that initial preaching state, and I can clearly and soberly see that there is indeed a reason why some people do so well with sending DMs to strangers while it is almost a recipe to self-distractions for others. 

Human Design Angle

Now, Human Design gives some guidance that is often misinterpreted, even by some Human Design Coaches – especially those who only even built and marketed their own business and never worked marketing other businesses outside Human Design guidance to actually have a real-life experience with marketing strategies and observations based on a large variety of businesses and projects to see what can work, for whom and when… 

Is it only for Manifestors?

Generally, Human Design teachings suggest that Manifestors can initiate, and so sending DMs seems like a good logical strategy for them. 

And yet this does not specify that because Manifestors have an aura that others can experience as repelling, they must inform before taking action.

Manifestor’s strategy is to inform. But getting a message in my inbox s hardly “informing me” about an upcoming action. In my books, it is an action in itself- even if the message is a simple greeting. Subconsciously I can feel that repelling energy and, without even realizing it prepare to push back… 

So a Manifestor reading or learning somewhere that they should send cold DMs start looking for scripts and make their own and send messages to people, just because the strategy says so – and without even realizing it, they go against their Design. 

You see, Manifestor, you are not here to just initiate any old thing. You are here to feel the creative spark and act upon it – while informing those involved about what is about to happen. 

I just simply can not imagine that if you have to send 25 DMs that each one of those messages is born from the creative urge you felt. So unless it was the case, the act of sending such messages is not exactly “following your Human Design Type strategy.” And therefore, your aura repels (via those messages you’ve sent) by your Design itself!

What to do instead? Follow your spark to create content from that magic place. Use a Call-to-Action in your content that will invite people to join you or follow you. Let the correct ones respond and reach out to you, or ask them to respond in the comments and then follow up. The follow-up has a completely different energetics than cold DMs to someone who did not show any interest in what you have to offer just yet… 

A new connection on Facebook, even if they accepted your friend request, is still a complete stranger. Some things are too much and too soon – in my opinion (based on personal experience), private chats fall into that exact category.

And this example is about the only Type in Human Design system that traditionally thought can “initiate”.

Are Manifesting Generators better at it?

By the way, all those amazing coaches I admired for being so good in their outreach were Manifesting Generators. 

So does this mean that MGs have more luck with this strategy? 

Well… no. 

You see, when I look closer at what actually they taught me to do – it clearly showed that they actually followed (completely unknowingly” their Human Design strategy of waiting to respond and then act). They still would not send messages to complete strangers (even new Facebook friends), but they did send a message when I joined their Facebook group – responding to whatever their saw on my profile gave them a “nod” that I may be a good prospect for their offers – and not dicking around and taking action to welcome me.

What about Projectors?

I am a Projector, and for me, this approach did not work as effectively. Even when I still had my free Facebook group, I found that my welcome messages received very lukewarm, cautious responses, if any at all. 

At the end of the day, I was not “waiting to be invited” into a conversation, so my recipient failed to see and recognize my gifts and my light in that specific scenario.

Are Generators’ auras – the secret?

My Generator accountant responded to a question I posted in a local ex-pats group about Estonian taxes. She then sent me a message, but when she tried to pitch me her services during that chat – I initially declined. This again shows that just because the Generator’s aura is warm and enveloping, it does not mean that their messages are always receiving positive results. ESPECIALLY if they are pitching because they think that is what “should” be happening, and not because they felt the sacral response and really got excited to connect and maybe be of service to me as a client… 

I did hire her eventually because she did what aligned Generators do best – she was so passionate about getting me the information and the advice I needed and then assisting me in setting up a company – I knew that I could rely on her, and she had the energy and the stamina to keep pushing through where I felt overwhelmed and ready to give up. 


My thoughts are that our Human Design Type does not necessarily determine if we can or cannot do something – like sending DMs to strangers. 

However, if we follow our Type Strategy and Inner Authority deciding each time if it feels right to send that message (and not because this is a specific tactic – no matter how “appropriate” it is according to popular sales/marketing strategies), we can naturally activate that inner magnetism for attracting opportunities and ultimately, clients. 

On social media, people deal with other people. 

Growing your coaching or expert business is very different from traditional businesses, for which the outreach strategies were developed in the first place. We are in the world of socially interacting with each other directly, on a personal level, and experiencing each other’s auras at all times. The only way we can use the magic of our specific aura type is by following our strategy every time we make a decision, and this will turn on any other potential our Design holds. 

And this is why I am such an ambassador for leading with content. Mastering expressing yourself through video and writing, so your audience members can have a chance to notice you, take the time they need until they are ready to engage with you on a more meaningful level. The real one – not what they position as “meaningful” when they teach you to bombard your connections with pretty obviously pointless DMs.

Yes, you can absolutely send messages, even if you have never spoken to that person before, but in my opinion, ONLY if this is aligned with your Type’s strategy first. Trust me, as a Projector, who is told to wait to be invited. There are so many situations when there is an energetical intuitive invitation that we can follow that may occasionally mean sending a message to a stranger and unlocking a magical opportunity. 

If you want to learn more about Human Design Type & Strategy, check out my free Human Design for Aligned Visibility training here. 

Juliette Stapleton

Splenic Projector 1/3

Juliette Stapleton is a Visibility Strategist for coaches and experts. She teaches how to attract clients online, creating your OWN marketing experience that feels good, easy and aligned with who you are and brings results.

Juliette has been featured in Forbes and several major business and marketing podcasts, like SocialChatter, 365Driven, Rising Tide, iHeart Radio, and Confident Live. She is an active contributor to world-leading online publications, such as Influencive, Addicted2Success, Thrive Global, Good Men Project and many more.

She lives in Tallinn, Estonia.

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