Let’s face the elephant in the room. As we are building our visibility, often, results are not coming in as fast as we assume or expect. And while we are waiting, more than most of us care to admit, we get a little bit too fixated on “the other” in the scenario.

I do not know about you, but this is a seriously dangerous zone for any kind of relationship – marketing included (which at the core is the art of building relationships with others, but in a business setting).

Take it from someone with a neurospicy brain, who knows what it is to hyper-fixate on another to the point of exhaustion. In my case, I have one specific area in my life (romance, especially in my teens and early 20s) where this used to spiral out of control at times. It actually explains why I prefer to be in serious relationships, entering all three of my marriages right into the deep end from the start.

The overfixation in those cases happens because I struggle with being in relationships that do not have a clear definition. And in a short period between my last two marriages, I also realized that I struggle with relationships that are casual, too. I crave commitment, and I commit myself full-heartedly.

But when there is no formal commitment (even if it is just verbal – my second marriage started with a proposal on the first date, followed by 13 years of engagement) I find that uncertainty makes me completely fixate on the other, with expectations bothering on desperate, and my whole life put on hold.

Frankly, I was like that in my teens, having crushes on a few boys, one of whom was stuck in my head for decades.

The truth is that the only outcome of this mental process is pain, and the only one who is hurting is the one who hyper-fixates in the first place.

With marketing, the same themes happen.

We create content, put it out there, we try and build the audiences through email lists and connecting on social media, just like experts say we should. Yet, often there are crickets on our posts, and nobody reaches out to ask us to learn more or sign up for our courses and programs after we send an email invite. Or they do, but not enough. Or enough, but wrong people with unclear expectations.

So we start fixating on what “the other” needs to respond, to buy. We start endlessly tweaking our websites, question the themes and topics we want to talk about (will they care, will they need to hear it?), and jump on a bandwagon of endless courses and programs that claim to teach us to become magnetic.

I am not saying there are no good programs. Of course, there are. Especially those that empower you to embrace your uniqueness. In my business, I also offer such guidance based on both my intuitive expert sense and Human Design to add that validation that it is okay to be YOU in your marketing.

But in this article, I want to highlight that over-fixation is one of the biggest obstacles on our way to success.

Here are a few simple scenarios. A familiar one to anyone using social media for client attraction – creating a post and fixating on engagement (or lack thereof).

Conducting a launch/campaign for a new program, a sale, an offer (whichever way it is structured), and hyper-fixating on sign-ups or the lack of those.

Sending information about your program to someone who needs to think about it and hyper-fixating on them not getting back to you or communicating where they are at in time.

We have all been there at some point, and for some of us, this would be that exact weak spot where the mental processes and emotional attachment make it almost unbearable and end up in a massive burnout.

I have been there, you have been there…

And yet, the only person who ended up hurt in this is you.
Not people who did or didn’t take the action you expected them to take.
Only YOU.

The topic of NEUTRALITY in dealing with life is so underrated. We are CONDITIONED by our society and families to be invested emotionally in our goals and dreams, but the truth is that not everyone is designed for this kind of approach.

In fact, I believe a vast majority of us are not meant to emotionally attach to anything.

When I look into my Human Design, it is obvious in many areas. A completely open Emotional (Solar Plexus) center – meaning the emotions are not a natural experience for me. In fact, I do not understand what they really are, and often just get overwhelmed by those I am taking in. I noticed often a transit activates my 35/36 Channel of Transience, which pushes me through a collective emotional wave that builds [expectations] and then crashes suddenly into the lowest of the lows.

The only way to deal with it is with neutrality in my approach. (Hey, easier said than done, I can tell ya!)

Or my environmental style, which is Observer (I am a variables geek) – this means it is not healthy for me to be invested, but rather take a spectator attitude to the movie of life I am experiencing. There are many other elements too.

I wasn’t always like this, but I really saw that the fixation and attachment do not do anything good. So I’ve trained myself in business to quieten my mind and rest in the receiving (feminine) state. This has really worked over the last few years.

Having less anxiety about client attraction or delivery brings such aligned action takers into my world, and in many more quantities than before, yet nothing I cannot easily manage. The only difference for me was taking a more neutral, laid-back approach and focusing on my own needs and values first.

And I found that knowledge and – what is more importantly – applied it to my business and my life.

So with marketing, the healthiest approach is to have a long-term plan. The priority in this plan is actually not client attraction as the first point to reach. Instead, focus on positioning yourself as a go-to expert and a micro-celebrity in your niche. It can take you as little as 3 months if you do it strategically to achieve that. Check out my book, On Visibility that Sells, for more.

I am not saying you will get featured in Forbes in 3 months for your successes. I am saying that in 3 months of inspired, consistent efforts, your online visibility will give those who are searching an impression of a credible expert and a micro-celebrity in your niche.

“People judge the book by its cover”, so having the shiny cover is paramount in creating a first impression of someone they want to be associated with, to guide them, to show them the way.

And when you have that goal, then you can see that everything you are creating must serve that goal first and foremost,and the client attraction becomes a direct result of your status and positioning.

Most people miss this whole point. And get frustrated and bitter when clients do not sign up with them, or worse, sign up with some pointless celebrity coach, who you know does not offer any in-depth advice. Those are plenty out there in every industry. But they look credible, and they are making money, you could be making.

The advantage of focusing on creating credible status as an authority in your niche is that it feels more empowering, because it inspires to show your best side, the way you think, the vision you have, rather than that sinking desperate feeling of wanting to get a client. It is a different energy, and the content created with positioning in mind as a first goal feels different from that written or recorded purely in the hope to get clients.

Client attraction becomes a neutral activity. Expressing yourself through your visibility becomes a regular practice of self-recognition, self-expression and self-motivation to do more. Those are the elements of what we refer to as “shining your light” to the world.

Serving clients and facilitating transformations are highly satisfying activities, but that light is very limited to just the few, so, unfortunately, there are no benefits to it for your business growth. Make sure you shine your light where potential clients can see you if you want your online business to thrive.

There are so many ways to show up that are not exhausting and do not feel desperate. But this article is not about the strategy.

My point for you today is to practice NEUTRALITY in your life, in your marketing, and in your business. Lean into what is natural for you (this is where Human Design helps determine the correct approach), follow your energy type Strategy, decision-making Authority, TRUST it.

Trust that it needs time to align, and you are where you should be.

Things will align, and it will be much simpler and easier.

Also, if you are relying solely on your online business for income, but not getting any – there is no easy way to say it but… you need to get yourself a part-time job to keep your roof over your head for now. Do not be naive about how long it can take. Stop blindly believing things that sound too good to be true (because they are), and have your feet firmly on the ground as you are pursuing this big dream. Only those who are resilient enough get through. Fact.

P.S. If you need guidance on how to get more aligned with your natural gifts and strengths on this journey, order your personalized Marketing Blueprint By Design™ report – see the bottom of the page