Compatibility By Human Design: Connection Themes, Channels & Profiles
A recent obsession of mine is how we connect by Human Design. You see, nobody lives “in their design.” We are constantly interacting with others in the physical world. We are conditioning and being conditioned by people around us.
But that is not the only way. We are also affecting each other energetically through the online world. When working with a client on the opposite side of the globe, we are conditioning and interacting with each other precisely the same way. Do not ask me how, but the auric connection transcends the concept of space.
Understanding relationships is the theme of my life on a personal level. It is not what I officially do in business, but if we really think about it, marketing is all about relationships and how we connect to each other. Yet personal connection themes are fascinating to me.
Love and relationships topic has been quite a ride in my life! From a million heartbreaks to finding my other half (and learning what “happily ever after” really means). To losing him again to cancer in 2023 and somehow in a very short period after that starting another chapter. Meeting new love, stepping into the unknown… Life is so unexplainable unpredictable at times, but I trust this ride – one hundred percent.
On a different domain, my other relationship theme – working with horrible employers. Learning what nightmare clients look like in my business and finally finding my stance in that environment.
This explains my love for exploring the depth of Human Design personality lines and profiles. Or getting fascinated with environments to find the perfect energetics for balance and creativity (people often are a factor in our correct environments).
As we interact, our individual energies create something new and different altogether, a quantum transformation.
This week I have been looking deeper into the type of connections and contemplating – what if we consciously use these connection energies to leverage our client relationships and businesses?
Let’s just cover the basics. We can have 5 types of connections – they create a unique definition and connect gates and channels in our chart, activating new centers and their frequencies.
Below is an example of a connection
Two colors indicate two separate people’s channels (orange and blue.) In this specific case, the connection activates channels that, in turn, define all nine centers in the chart. This creates a theme 9-0, “Nowhere To Go,” which I will discuss later in this article.
You can also see that channels are grouped into four different sections: Compromise, Dominance, Companionship (Friendship), and Electromagnetic (Attraction/Repulsion).
In a nutshell, they represent how we affect each other.
One person has a whole channel activated, and the other has only one gate. Such compromise creates a sort of pull/push energy, making a person with the channel pull the other one into their energy. These are very different energies by nature.
How to work with it. The key for a person with just one gate active is to understand that their design works differently and not “give in” to the energy of the person with the whole channel, as it will never feel aligned for them. Setting healthy boundaries, giving each other space, compromising intentionally, and accepting that the other person is not “just like you” in these aspects. So as Ra Uru Hu suggested, assuming a position of “agree to disagree” is the best approach.
It is also essential to understand that the dynamics here are mechanical. There is nothing one can do to change them. And there will always be a need to compromise in these relationships. It will not always feel suitable for the person with just one gate, as they get conditioned and affected by this energy, but they cannot change it. The only thing we can do is gain awareness about its presence and mechanics. It is not about the person. These are just these things.
Ra’s example (from “How We Connect”)
“For example, the 22nd gate is the gate of the left ear, the gate of listening. Very often, it’s about listening to music or poetry. It has romantic tendencies. For example, here is this couple, and 12 over here (Mr. Wonderful) says,’ I want to listen to blah blah. And 12 over here (Miss Wonderful), the one who has the full channel, says, `I’m going to listen to whatever I want to. Now they don’t necessarily say it that way. The fact is that no matter how the argument will go, in compromise it always leads to arguments.
Not only that, in this case, if you had someone who was unemotional and she is emotional the moment he would want to listen to something that she doesn’t want to listen to, he would get the emotional wave, at which point he would say `Yes, dear, whatever, you like.’ It’s a mechanic. It’s just a mechanism. It’s not like it’s her fault because, truly, it is NOT her fault. It’s nothing to do with fault or blame. You cannot fault her ancestors or her whole genetic history because this is what she is – she has the whole channel. You can’t blame him. He doesn’t know any better. It’s like every time he wants to go down that road, somebody is trying to control how he gets to the end of it, and it begins to chew at him. This is a compromise. So many relationships have compromise in the construct, sometimes several in the construct.
Relationships are extraordinary things when you get to that place where you can just let go and accept somebody’s design. Compromise in relationships for the mind is one of those annoying things, and it never stops being annoying to the mind. Because the mind enjoys digging into those things and trying to use them as mechanisms to take control. I understand the helplessness of the other. It mirrors mine. All I can do is embrace what’s there with awareness.”
One person has a full channel, and the other has none. All of a sudden, the second person takes in and experiences specific frequencies through this channel, and even more, he starts to start amplifying them. You get a sense of them and identify with them in a very specific way. They are being conditioned by the one with the channel. It is a great opportunity to learn from each other and about each other because you experience this energy consistently in the connection.
How to work with it. The person with the channel can assume the position of the leader in these relationships. It is a way of “lending” this specific energy to the other. The healthiest approach is to watch and celebrate the different energies that the dominant channels bring without making it into a conflict.
For example, my second husband Les had the 43/23 Channel of Structuring, and it is a lot about thinking all the time and downloading insights, but those insights can only make sense to others if articulated clearly and also spoken at the right timing – or when invited to share. One of the darker sides to this channel is that he was very bad at listening. He got too caught up in his own thinking process that he tuned out, only to turn around to me after a while and say or ask something completely off topic. It used to drive me NUTS. And I noticed that in his presence, I often did that same thing: tuned out when he and my daughter had chats over coffee. I used to think it was the topic of the discussion that put me off, but I suspect that I was actually being conditioned by this energy, and my tuning out (which interestingly does not happen that often with other people) is turning into a “thing” when I was with him. I just started thinking about something so deeply I lost track of the conversation.
This is how Human Design “saved my marriage” so to speak. The marriage was very loving, but this gave me an extra level of awareness around things that if my Non-Self was in charge, I would have probably already divorced him ten times over this one fault alone.
NOW I am kidding.
Companionship (Friendship) Channels
Both people have the same channel defined. You would think it is a perfect scenario, yet it is not that exciting. There are no “energetic attractions” here. Both people are the same. Same gifts. Same shadows. It is not something that is interesting to you because, genetically, we seek diversity, but this is a very deep connection that can offer “the safe place in a storm” – the safety and security on the deep foundational level.
But the other side is indeed boredom. It is not stimulating. It is the same thing.
Electromagnetic Channels (Attraction & Repulsion)
One person has a gate on one side, and the other has a gate on the other side of that same channel. Each is missing what the other has. They are always interested in what the other has, but when they meet, a new sort of “wiring” between the two centers happens.
It is an ever-fluctuating “attraction and repulsion” energy. It jumps back and forth. Love/hate relationships, have you ever been in one? I have! Making up, breaking up, happy to be together, hate being together, cannot be apart, glad to be apart. It is intense. Do you know what is worse? Having a relationship like this with a client. I also know it firsthand… Those were the times when I couldn’t afford even to think about the whole “ideal clients” concept. Or so I felt at the time.
How to work with it. The electromagnetic connection is very strong and can be very powerful in a relationship. The key here is again to understand the electromagnetic channels in the connection and what potential specific issues or enjoyment they bring.
As you can see, AWARENESS is everything. Let me now move to the juicy part- the connection themes. There are four themes, and I will go through all of them. “They are basic, but like all simple things, they carry a tremendous amount of truth”, says Ra.
One more very important thing to understand about these electro-magnetic themes is that it is not about the theme of a gate, or a channel. It is just one tiny tiny aspect of the gate theme, but it is persistently that microscopic theme that comes up.
In 1997, I was dating this guy with whom we have so many electromagnetic channels in our connection chart. The relationships went from hot to cold to hot again. There were specific themes around the hot and the cold switches. And in 2023, I met him again after 25 years, and we spent a day together. It felt so amazingly familiar and HOT. The day after, something happened in our chat, and we had a massive row (I do not even have rows with people in my life). The row felt so painfully familiar again.
But this time, with my awareness of our Human Design and connections, it was fascinating for me to observe the mechanics. It had nothing to do with us as people, our communication, or anything we wanted from each other. It was pure energy interaction at play. And it was exactly the same as before. The funniest thing was seeing my daughter roll her eyes EXACTLY like any of my friends in the 90s did when they learnt about another “break up” I had with this guy. There you go – energy/auric interactions at play, and nothing we can do about it. By the way, four weeks later, he reached out to me on WhatsApp as if the row never happened. And that is exactly what happened within the TWO YEARS we dated on and off! Ha!
Connection Theme 9-0: Nowhere To Go
The connection theme on the sample graphic above is the one called “Nowhere to go,” and it means the connection activates all 9 centers. This creates very strong bonding energy. It can be extremely wonderful. Or it can be extremely uncomfortable. This is why entering such a relationship correctly (following your Strategy & Authority) is so key. When these two people are together, there is no place for anyone else in this intimate relationship. They complete each other.
Now, if this is an abusive relationship, it can go very wrong, and it happens a lot out there. They are stuck, and they just cannot leave. They get locked into each other. THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO.
When I looked at connection charts with all my favourite clients, I discovered each one of our connection themes was 9-0. Perhaps this is because I have been following my Splenic Authority and entering these relationships correctly.
Now, the story. I have had this connection theme with clients, and yes, it felt good to be together on calls.
But I also recently had this connection in my romantic life. A few months after my second husband, Les, passed away, I wanted to start meeting new friends. For a loner like me who has no social life whatsoever, it is almost impossible to meet new people through your existing network. Thankfully, I do not have a 4th line in my profile (I am a 1/3), so meeting complete strangers is not an issue for me and the correctness of them. I have my Projector strategy and Authority for that. So, I joined Tinder.
The very first conversation I had was with someone who kind of stood out in the initial swipe fest the day before. I was not looking for love or even physical relationships. I frankly just wanted to get out of the house as I live alone. So, an occasional coffee with someone new and interesting. But this person felt very different. We hit it off in the chat and met a few days later. There was a very strong connection that stirred up a lot of anxiety in me, because, frankly, after 20 years of relationships, anyone would feel scared and “rusty”.
And yet, this person and I were meant to connect. We both entered the relationships correctly. I (a Projector) became visible and set my expectations in my Tinder bio. He (a Generator) responded and initiated the conversation. He was leading, inviting me deeper into the relationships. My Spleen felt the sweetness and correctness of this invitation.
When I ran our connection chart, we had a 9-0 connection theme and a single definition, which means the energy flow is uninterrupted.
My anxiety with our meetings, understandable after such a massive loss just six months prior, was so tremendous. But what was much more profound was the feeling of total and complete peace and relaxation the moment when this guy and I came together, and became intimate. I couldn’t believe it. It was like the world stopped, and all my worries disappeared. And I was able to be totally in the moment with him, fully connected. Nothing else existed.
Now, this is not to be read into. This was just a mechanical feeling of this connection theme. “Nowhere to go,” totally locked on each other, fully flowing together harmoniously. His energy and my energy are completely intertwined. Some call this experience twin flames… Some call it Tantric. I see that all it is was this 9-0 connection theme.
The reality was far less romantic. The guy was not emotionally available, nor did he want to be. He had a very complicated story with his family and an ex-girlfriend in another country, the details of which I am not fully aware. But after the first week, he told me the ex and him were talking about reconciliation. And yet, we both felt it was impossible to say NO to seeing each other. So we continued, and it was divine every rare time. I do not know if I have had such an experience with another human being ever before. NOT LOVE, just that energy completely locked into each other. Nothing else existed.
I went back on Tinder to find other people to start escaping this energy pull. The theme of a love triangle is also recurring in my life, usually in the form of an ex. But I thought I might as well “drive” this and perhaps just continue having an affair with him while seeing other people. I was making any excuse to stay together in any capacity…
As I met some Tinder candidates where the chemistry was running high, I felt I couldn’t see two people at the same time and one night, we both reached out at the same time, trying to break this madness that we had off. He decided to reconcile with his ex. I was meeting someone whose chats were so promising…
Two days later, we were back in the chat discussing our no-strings-attached, “Freelove” affair – we were so hooked on each other we both experienced withdrawals, even though there was no real love or any future. Just this energy connection.
I swear, I never felt so tied in. It started feeling really painful and out of control, even though, thankfully, our schedules had prevented us from meeting for a couple of weeks by then.
Meanwhile, someone else matched me on Tinder, and this was something so different, deep, and so magical, that I started to desperately want to sever that 9-0 energetic cord bounding me so powerfully. As the new connection grew in depth and after I met this new person, I reached out and broke the affair off completely.
I cannot put into words HOW painful that decision was to me. It was almost, ALMOST the same intensity of grief I felt earlier this year when I lost someone whom I considered my other half… And yet this stranger I spent three short evenings with was so painful to say goodbye to.
And I know this guy has been feeling exactly the same because we have had a very open and honest communication. Still, it was probably one of the most painful decisions I had to make in my personal life. It hurt deeply and felt impossible to execute.
This is the thing about this 9-0 connection. You have a complete flow (if you do not have a split definition in your connection chart) – and you literally get so locked in on each other, that there is no room for anyone else. It feels amazing, and so complete.
And yet, if this is not a correct relationship – either by Human Design, or simply, like in my case, not at this point in either of our lives OR, like it can happen to be an abusive relationship, leaving it requires a titanic effort that some people do not have mental, emotional and spiritual power to make.
Another big, big lesson – the energy connection is NOT a guarantee for your relationships to be perfect. At all. It is just Human Design mechanics, and if you do not follow your Strategy and Authority to make decisions that are CORRECT for you (no matter how exciting or painful they can be).
8-1: Have Some Fun
This is the formula where 8 of the centers are activated, but there is one open center that is open on both charts, and that center is where the two of these people can be open to – together. They can develop areas of common interest, do things together, and discover the world together. This is a very healthy kind of bond between two beings.
I have to mention the correctness of entering any relationship again is key. Two of the clients with that I did not feel good over time had this bond with me, but it was only fun temporarily. Perhaps we had a lot of electromagnetic drama going on, but I know for a fact that I went against my Splenic impression in both cases, and I regretted it for years after.
But this also makes me think about what Ra mentions about the splits between the definition: “it’s a mechanical thing. If the splits are there in the relationship, it means there are aspects of the way in which you connect to each other that do not connect to each other. It’s going to represent certain dynamics for the relationship that are going to cause tension.” And if the relationships are not entered correctly, there will be this disconnect that both are bound to feel at times. Or even all the time. Without understanding why and assuming it is the fault of the other person. Yet it is again just mechanics. How to work with it. The only way to deal with it is to surrender and accept that no fixing is required – you just choose to experience this relationship as is or leave.
I have no dramatic story about this connection chart from my romantic life. None of my longer term partners or people I met while knowing and observing their Design and our Connection Theme fell into this one. So this is something we can still explore. No theme is good or bad. It is just what it is.
7-2: Work To Do
This is an interesting formula because the 7 connected centers are forming a single definition, they do feel complete, but the two open centers mean that there is a possibility for the two different interests to form, where the presence of the partner is not only needed, but sometimes completely unnecessary. This is a kind of relationship that needs more space. It is important to understand the different interests of your partner, and a little break can actually be very healthy. When I have a client with a 7-2 connection, I make sure that I do not undermine a different direction that may attract them, but maybe for me, this seems like a waste of time or just “not my thing” to be strategizing with them in that area. I learned that being transparent and allowing that flexibility is great for these relationships.
The need for space and having two centers open, might also mean that when the two partners need to escape each other, those escapes may be different for them. One will drown themselves in work, and the other will be leaning into their separate social life, for example.
As I am typing this, I am entering a very interesting relationship where this is the connection theme and a single definition. So far, I can say that the single definition in the connection chart means even more than the actual theme. It is especially palpable when we are together, and the energy just flows, the decisions seem to be so simple to make, and our communication flows openly and effortlessly. There are no cracks that are obvious. I think this theme will show itself in the everyday “living together” scenario, where there is often an escape from the relationships that is imminent for short periods of time, and then we will have two open centres (will and emotional in my case) that we will be escaping into, and not necessarily together and at the same time. Again, this is theory, and I have no story yet to report, as I am diving into this experience and drawing my insights in hindsight as usual.
I always mention that I am a lone wolf. A 1/3 – very introspective, plus a Projector who needs space and time alone to flash the excess of the sacral overflow, this kind of relationship feels more healthy for me, as long as I observe where are those escapes and, again, try not to fix anything, just accepting and allowing it to be.
6-3: Better To Be Free
These theme names are hilarious because this is my connection to both my first and second husbands, and my daughter Chantelle. So no, this does not mean we hate each other or we are not connected. The bonds between us have always been superbly strong, but the relationship works much better when we give each other plenty of space. I worked in one room all day, hubby in the other on the opposite side of the building. We’d meet up in the evening and party! Perfect.
When entered correctly, this is such a beautiful energy for anyone with a lot of “lone wolf” energy and likes their “alone time.” Again, as a 1/3 Projector, I enjoy my solitude and the ability to rest and recharge from others’ energies, so this connection seems perfect for my daily life.
In relationships with clients, I find that it is great in containers with monthly check-ins, so there is no day-to-day working together scenario. I feel like often, I do not even hear from the client until the time for our call, and we have a great chat and get lots done and lift each other up, and then go our separate ways until the next call. Perfect.
There is just one more possible connection theme that Ra did not speak about in his lecture. I went through all the charts I have, and there was no one with whom I would form this connection. Hence I have no sample image to show, but let’s talk about what this theme is.
5-4: Not a Relationship Anymore
In this scenario, five centers are defined, and four are undefined. There is so much of “their own” here. Different interests, principles, values, and worldviews potentially – can be a recipe for disaster and conflict. And yet, if this relationship is correct, it has a great potential to feel most “alive” of all – on the premise that the opposites attract. And a potential to be complete in a completely different way than in a 9-0 theme.
It is a journey of exploration, discovering new sides to each other, never failing to surprise – provided that mutual understanding is established.
How can I use this information in my business?
Let’s start with the fact that the most crucial condition to having aligned relationships with anyone is how we enter it. Do we follow our inner guidance, our strategy, and our Authority? Or does our Non-Self gets drawn to something for a non-self kind of reason?
AWARENESS is the word repeated here so many times, and it is the key word to what happens next.
Yesterday I had a note from a potential client enquiring about working together, and my Spleen immediately knew – this is a YES, ensuring that it is correct for me to follow up on this “invitation.” When I ran our connection chart, we were a 9-0- a potential to have great working relationships. But in her chart, I also see some strong Manifesting Generator busyness energies, and so I knew I needed to create very clear and healthy boundaries in the container I would offer to her, so our deep connection feels intimate and strong, but not like we cannot get away from each other.
This sort of awareness makes a lot of decisions – what offer is best suited, in what format, and even at what price point very easy for me to make. And it also helps intentionally approach the relationships in a way that the connection theme determines. Understanding where to speak and where to allow freedom, where to create more intimacy, and where to create much more space. And this will all add to the experience and the transformation through working together.
At the same time, it gives me a chance to watch for the red flags, and in some potentially conflicting situations, I can check with the specifics of the chart to see if there is something we can adjust, or perhaps just part, which is also an acceptable solution. At the end of it all, we are running our businesses to have a better life, not more stressful.
Compatibility by Human Design profile
Finally, as we are talking about compatibility, we have to go back to my beloved personality profiles since these are the “roles we play in life.” There are three kinds of connections we can have: Resonant, Harmonious, and Dissonant
A resonant connection is when both people have the same profile. This means they think and experience life similarly, and they can develop a deep level of trust and security in relationships. I love my 1/3 clients and friends. I get them soo deeply, and I see in them all my gifts and my shadows sometimes. Like we know each other forever… The only minus is that the energy is too familiar. So in business, it really depends on what needs to happen. Do they need to be empowered in their own ways or challenged a little bit to charge up from a different way of seeing the world? That would be the question I ask myself as a coach before working with a person with my 1/3 profile.
Harmonious – are the profiles that complement each other well- while on different paths and seeing the world differently, they have the potential for growth and development together. The profile below is mechanically the most harmonious.
6/2 and 3/5
1/3 and 4/6
2/5 and 5/2
1/4 and 4/1
2/4 and 5/1
6/3 and 3/6
Dissonant – profile combinations where there is a potential for misunderstanding of each other’s lifepath. This can potentially lead to misunderstanding and even conflict.
I have to stress, however, that it is far more important to judge each case individually. It is probably my line 3 talking, but we will not know just by looking at someone’s profile how it will FEEL to connect to them. And so I know that some of my best relationships are not listed under the harmonious ones. And those same profiles can also be on the charts of those people I had my worst relationships within business and in my personal life.
So I will leave you with this: awareness is crucial, but labeling based on one’s chart is unacceptable. Unless your inner guidance- your Authority is screaming HELL NO (I mean, it has to be saying Hell YEAH to show correctness), there is definitely an opportunity to explore, discover, learn and grow from every possible relationship. And this is what will help you choose who to work with and who to pass by – listen to your Authority, follow your Human Design Type Strategy and enjoy entering any relationships correctly, whatever they bring.
(Ra’s contemplations quotes were borrowed from A transcript of the Valentine’s Day Event by Ra Uru Hu on February 14, 2010)
Splenic Projector 1/3
YOUR VISIBILITY GUIDE
Juliette Stapleton is a Visibility Strategist for coaches and experts. She teaches how to attract clients online, creating your OWN marketing experience that feels good, easy and aligned with who you are and brings results.
Juliette has been featured in Forbes and several major business and marketing podcasts, like SocialChatter, 365Driven, Rising Tide, iHeart Radio, and Confident Live. She is an active contributor to world-leading online publications, such as Entrepreneur.com Influencive, Addicted2Success, Thrive Global, Good Men Project and many more.
She lives in Tallinn, Estonia.
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