Are you “Giving Value” or building relationships In Facebook groups “The WRONG Way?”

by | May 8, 2021

I want to make a point about “giving value” when building your visibility. Specifically in Facebook groups. There are so many trainings and guru advice on how to use Facebook groups to build your visibility. I personally have mixed feelings about that.

While there are absolutely ways to use Facebook groups to grow your audience, there is the right way and the wrong way. And the barometer that needs to be used is simple: common sense.

I am actually shocked how many people take advice from someone else so literally, they completely miss the point of what they are ACTUALLY doing.

Here are some specific examples. And if you recognise yourself – before you get triggered – this is NOT an attack on anyone, but an attempt to shine some light on how the recipients of your tactics may FEEL. What we feel will affect how we want to engage with you and your content, if we ever will consider working with you. It is the most important consideration, in my humble opinion, when it comes to marketing and sales on social media.

Let’s have a look at how some of the tactics leave people feeling.

1. Befriending group members and sending them voice notes in the very first personal message.

We know that messenger voice notes are great for connecting to people on a deeper level. And voice and video messages are absolutely vital, especially in conversations with someone who may be considering working with you.

You want them to experience a more personal side of you, deepen the alignment (or maybe they will hate the sound of your voice and won’t continue, which is a great result in my books, as if someone gets annoyed with the way I speak, HOW can we work together well, even if they are willing to pay and I can deliver? It would just kill me inside.

When you send someone a friend request, sending them a voice note immediately as you see them accepting it is just… imposive and actually LAZY. You are a stranger. There are zero relationships that have been built and you simply have no right to demand the effort and inconvenience is required to listen to the voice note.

Oh yes, I have a bone to pick with those voice notes. They leave me even more annoyed than pitchy first messages with group invites (another crazy scenario).

There are a few issues with this approach:

1. Listening to messages is inconvenient as the recipient may not be on their own in a place where their privacy is protected. Conclusion: RESPECT their privacy and don’t put them into an awkward position.

2. Receiving all messages from strangers feels “unsafe”. What I mean is that most people will have that survival instinct on-guard response to seeing a stranger messaging them. It is normal, just some primal instincts are kicking in. Yet it is still a negative feeling (not everyone is aware that this is just a normal body response and will allow their mind to read into the unsafe feeling).

When you look at that audio message this on-guard response is so much stronger as you simply do not know what is inside. So you will feel some sort of anxiety. I know I do (my survival instinct is so strong, I get anxious about any message I receive, even from friends- it is just how my body is.)

So WHY would you want to put this new connection, that in the best-case scenario could become your client feel anxiety at the first point of contact. That does not make any common sense to me.

Take some time and effort to type up your first messages to strangers, so they feel as little anxiety as possible.

And I think that even if you want to create direct contact in Messenger, it will leave a much better impression if you do it as a “human” just say hi, see where the chat takes you. No need to pitch, invite to groups/pages/websites. Nobody on Facebook to be advertised to. We are just hanging out.

Respect the rules of the game, be human, and trust me – you will leave an amazing first impression.

I have experienced this myself a few years ago when an influencer reached out with just a human conversation. It felt so good after the chat that they did not go into any form of “offering support” and – surprise, surprise – I ended up not just following them more closely, I actually bought almost all programs they were offering at the time! THAT is the power of a human connection.

Another scenario I just came across yesterday and this inspired my post today.

2. Creating Engagement Posts For The Sake Of Positioning As An Expert

We are still talking about using OTHER Facebook group (not our own).

Some strategies teach to “give value” in other Facebook groups.
Now, in 2021, I think anyone with common sense already knows that posting long-form value posts inside other influencer’s group is much less effective than actually posting on your profile and using groups to connect to more people who can see your posts. Plus it feels spammy.

I am not going into the details of that strategy. I tried it and it felt horrendous. It was not my “castle” to lead in, and truly there was no response. Just like there are always very few comments on those guest value posts, so WHY waste your time? That is not building your visibility- that is just annoying people. At least this is how it leaves me FEEL when I see those posts.

Again, WHY would you want your first impression to be of getting annoyed at what you do? Ok, ok, I am regressing… back to yesterday.

So another strategy is to ask questions. This may be good for market research and getting some ideas for your content. (Now, of course, common sense needs to be applied because if you target successful female entrepreneurs, do you REALLY think they will publically share with you about the struggles in their businesses or personal life? Think again!)

But then there are good questions. The question I saw yesterday was sort of mild, just asking about certain behaviour in a certain scenario. “Do you do this or that” kind of question. I saw my opportunity to engage with value- which was explaining what I do in that scenario and why. One sentence, reading it could help someone else (or they may follow me for more of the good stuff). There were several comments coming in as the question was actually quite good for social interaction. It was not asking about any struggles. NEITHER it was suggesting that in return to our reply we are looking for any advice. It was just a general, “what do YOU do”, kind of question.

Or so I thought…

Shortly I noticed that the author of the post replied to absolutely every comment trying to “teach” people who replied how they can take “this” or “that” and use it for their business/marketing etc. I got a reply too.

I am sure the author thought this is how you “give value”.

What REALLY happened was they started giving unsolicited advice. In fact, the reply I personally got made me slightly baffled and feeling weird.

I did not in any shape or form ask for advice or shared a struggle in the wording of my comment. A smart way to reply would be just, “this is great”, or something generic. Yet the author failed to see how their follow up reply was so “out of context”. Almost like they did not care about what I just wrote, only being concerned with “showing up as an expert” in all their interactions. Sigh…

Unless invited to give advice, your advice is not adding value. It just puts people off.

And I get it. We may do something as we learn without considering all aspects – because someone said this really worked for them… I am not shaming. I am just explaining from a perspective that may have not crossed your (or that guru’s that taught you) minds…

It is so important to THINK before you follow any strategies where communication with strangers are involved.

How it may make the recipient FEEL…

Did they already give you their PERMISSION to go deeper?

Will your action RESPECT their privacy, their right to just say something without getting a lecture in return.

Giving value is not about YOUR expertise. 👉 It is about making others FEEL that what you do/say/are is of value to them. 👈

It is simpler than you think if you focus on what makes common sense in everyday life. Would you like the guy in the bar who you glance at in passing, to come over unzipping his pants at you?

Just saying.

Have you ever felt uncomfortable from someone trying to “give value” what scenario was that for you? Join the discussion in a Facebook post that inspired this article.

Juliette Stapleton

Splenic Projector 1/3

Juliette Stapleton is a Visibility Strategist for coaches and experts. She teaches how to attract clients online, creating your OWN marketing experience that feels good, easy and aligned with who you are and brings results.

Juliette has been featured in Forbes and several major business and marketing podcasts, like SocialChatter, 365Driven, Rising Tide, iHeart Radio, and Confident Live. She is an active contributor to world-leading online publications, such as Influencive, Addicted2Success, Thrive Global, Good Men Project and many more.

She lives in Tallinn, Estonia.

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